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Open Post: Hosted By The Britney Spears/Backstreet Boys Song “Matches”
Last night you may have experienced some stabbing pains in your stomach. Don’t worry, that freezer-burnt ground beef you ate was fine. It was just your inner child whooping it up inside your tummy....
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Open Post: Hosted By The Runaway Pig Of Philadelphia
There was a brazen but aimless pig on the loose on the streets of Philadelphia, and no, it wasn’t Pennsylvania Governor Tom Wolf. According to 6 ABC, Northeast Philadelphia was graced with far more...
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Open Post: Hosted By The Dolphins Who Love Fidget Spinners
Unlike humans, dolphins don’t actually need weird toys like these, since their bodies are already natural fidget spinners but a million times more fun and graceful. But in the spirit of cute and smart...
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Open Post: Hosted By Guardian Angel Dolly Parton Saving Her Co-Star From...
74-year-old Dolly Parton can add another title to her already extensive resume including universal treasure, country legend, glamour icon, and COVID savior. She’s also a child-saver. CNN says that on...
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Open Post: Hosted By Smokey Robinson Having A Little Trouble Pronouncing The...
I know you’ve heard about The War on Christmas but have you heard about The Assassination of Chanukah? If not the holiday itself, the pronunciation of the word was badly disfigured by none other than...
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Open Post: Hosted By Gloria Gaynor Being Chosen To Perform “I Will Survive”...
2020 is almost over. And the people booking the Time Square Alliance’s “Heroes of 2020” New Year’s Eve event, which will honor essential workers, asked 77-year-old Gloria Gaynor to perform her hit ’78...
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Open Post: Hosted By The Denny’s Employee Who Quit On The Spot Over Customers...
Hear-Ye! Hear-Ye! Gather ’round and listen to the coolest ass bitch that ever did live! This Queen of Denny’s pulled an “I Quit This Bitch” after some maskless shit-stains tried to infect her ass for...
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Open Post: Hosted By The Man Who Won $75,000 After Suing His Parents For...
42-year-old David Werking just won up to $75,000 after he sued his parents, Beth and Paul, for destroying a bunch of his porn. $25,000 worth of porn to be exact. Where did the extra fifty grand cum...
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Open Post: Hosted By The Dog Who Talks In Head Tilts
This dog is conversation goals. I wish I could get away with just adorably tilting my head at every single human being I come into contact with, instead of having to pretend I’m listening to whatever...
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Open Post: Hosted By Gabourey Sidibe’s Fiancé’s Very Restrained Proposal
It’s not easy for any of us right now to keep from lifting a pinky in the air while raising a delicate teacup made of bone china and hand-painted by exceptionally grim nuns, before gently setting the...
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Open Post: Hosted By The New Oreo Spam Burger From McDonald’s China
Listen, my taste buds are the opposite of refined. My favorite “salad” is Tostitos, cheese, iceberg lettuce, and ground beef, all smothered in Catalina dressing. But even I, a proud trash food person,...
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Open Post: Hosted By Gray, The Rescue Kitty Who Hogs All The Boiled Fish
When you hear “viral video of rescue kitties eating”, you might think “Awww!” Well, give it a 2020 twist, add some boiled fish, and two enemy cats named Gray and Cha Cha, and what you get is less cute...
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Open Post: Hosted By The Hungry Bunny With A Taste For Snowman Nose
What are bunnies best known for? No, not the hopping. Nope, not for being fast. They like carrots. Carrots are to rabbits as spinach is to Popeye. They fucking love that shit. So when Sheila Bryant, a...
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Open Post: Hosted By Pancake The Pomeranian Getting A New Little Brother For...
It’s Christmas Eve! Tomorrow morning all the little children will ask their parents why Santa, a hairy old dude from the North, was allowed inside their home, but they haven’t seen Grandma since...
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Merry Christmas! Here’s A Man Rescuing A Deer To Warm Your Frozen Coal Pile...
If you’re in the mood to feel a little warmness in your heart area today (and I’m not talking about warmness caused by heartburn from swallowing a ton of Royal Dansk cookies so you can use the tin to...
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Open Post: Hosted By A Bodega Cat Bothering A Sleeping Bodega Pig
Sleek, shelf-hopping cats, and not food or household supplies, are the real reason anyone makes the trek in any kind of weather to their neighborhood bodega to peruse the offerings. Bodega cats even...
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Open Post: Hosted By Caipirinha, The Hero Dog Who Rescued A Senior Pup From...
Because dogs are so much smarter and better than humans and we all need a daily reminder of this, here is a story from Argentina with a happy ending involving two best doggo friend-siblings named...
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Open Post: Hosted By 25 Things You Didn’t Know About Jennifer Coolidge
Jennifer Coolidge. A glamour-puss legend of film and television. But like, what do we really know about her? She’s a curvy blonde with blow-up doll lips and perfect comic timing? I need more! Luckily,...
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Open Post: Hosted By Justin And Hailey Bieber Getting Gross On Instagram
In “Ew, Why?” news, 26-year-old Justin Bieber decided to casually make a comment on his Instagram to his wife, 24-year-old Hailey Bieber, talking about where her jaw has been. Either he’s talking...
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Open Post: Hosted By Blaze, The Husky Who Runs In His Sleep
The highlight of my year has been sleep. Beautiful, escapist slumber. Where I’m not bombarded with coronavirus stats or Apocalyptic tweets or election nonsense. The lowlight of my year? My ass fused...
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