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Open Post: Hosted By The Fraidy Cat Spooked By The Christmas Tree
The holidays are spooky AF, and I’m not just talking about how shopping for all our snot-nosed relatives takes a giant dump on our bank accounts. It’s that we actively want a fat white man in a red...
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Open Post: Hosted By George W. Bush Slipping Michelle Obama Some More Candy
During the funeral for John McCain back in September, George W. Bush was seen pulling sweet Grandpa moves by sneaking a piece of candy to Michelle Obama, who was sitting beside him. Bush Jr. and...
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Open Post And Site Note: Hosted By One Million Tons Of GLAMOUR!
You’re either wearing the darkest sunglasses you can find or you turned on the speak feature on your browser, because all that double dose of rhinestone-encrusted beauty definitely temporarily...
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Open Post: Hosted By The Bacon Vending Machine
Every time I think the “everybody loves bacon, bacon, bacon!” trope is beat, I eat bacon and realize why it’s a thing. It’s salty and delicious. Even the fatty parts are scrumptious. This accounts for...
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Open Post: Hosted By Bean Burritos Ruling 2018
Avocado toast can go eff itself back to the millennials! The bean burrito was on everyone’s list of the biggest food crazes for 2018. CNET reports that the bean burrito ranked #1 on Grubhub’s list of...
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Open Post: Hosted By Jennifer Aniston’s Ghost Problem
When I heard Jennifer Aniston was once plagued with an issue of ghosts coming out of the woodwork at her house, I wasn’t completely convinced that wasn’t just Angelina Jolie sending over some of the...
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Open Post: Hosted By Britney Spears’ Nightmare-Inducing Version Of “White...
Christmastime is that magical time of year where we hear the same damn songs over and over again, get really wasted at holiday parties and hook up with random strangers to give the gift that keeps on...
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Open Post: Hosted By KFC’s Fried Chicken-Scented Firelog
KFC isn’t content with its customers merely poisoning their bodies with their chemically laced Frankenchickens, so they’ve come up with a festive new way to introduce poisons into your bloodstream....
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Open Post: Hosted By Oprah’s Thoughts On That Unseasoned “Million Dollar...
Gather ’round children and let’s take a trip back in time to 2006 when Oprah Winfrey was still on TV everyday and Bush was still in office. Scratch that last part, just remember the Oprah thing. A...
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Open Post: Hosted By Khia’s Brand New Booty
Some believe that Khia’s ‘My Neck, My Back’ is one of the nastiest songs from the early-aughts, but I like to think of it as a necessary tool used for sexual education, which would make Khia the Dr....
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Open Post: Chris Hemsworth’s Nipples In Thailand
Just in case you were wondering; Yes. Chris Hemsworth can still get it. Today. Tomorrow. Whenever. Thor can lay the hammer down anytime he likes. And I’m pretty sure he knows it too, which is why he’s...
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Open Post: Hosted By Members Of The Canine Republic Not Standing For Cat...
“I haven’t seen a furry beast get that bothered by pussy since my husband’s wig flipped when I accidentally walked into his bedroom while naked.” – Kelly Preston There some dogs who don’t really care...
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Open Post: Hosted By The Man Who Tried To Pay For His McDonald’s Order With Weed
Yes, read that headline again. If you’re high, read it a third time. This is the type of fuckery that takes place down in Port St. Lucie, FL where 23-year-old Andrew Anthony Gallagher decided that...
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Open Post: Hosted By A Cat’s Masterful Hiding Skills
Make a note: If you ever get an offer to play a game of hide-and-seek with a cat named James (Side note: I love pussies with human names), turn down that offer immediately. If you do take the offer,...
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Open Post: Hosted By Your New Favorite UPS Delivery Man
In my neighborhood the UPS drivers will do one of two things: throw your package out of the truck and hope it lands at the right house, or leave that shit on the porch and not alert you of it because...
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Open Post: Hosted By Two Inflatable Snowmen Brawling In Public
See what the holidays due to creatures of life? They’re so stressful and demanding that people just snap their tethers and brutalize each other on the lawns of KFCs. HuffPo posted this video of two...
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Open Post: Hosted By The Dangling Belgian Energy Drink Thief
It’s embarrassing enough that you’re stealing a crate of Monster energy drinks(?!?), but then your pants get caught on the fence during your getaway and you dangle there like a big imbecile for...
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Open Post: Hosted By Santa Hanks Buying Everybody In-N-Out
Contrary to popular belief, Tom Hanks is anything but the nicest guy in show-biz. He proved this recently when he rolled through an In-N-Out in Fontana, California, and purchased artery clogging...
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Merry Christmas From The Curtsying Duchesses!
Not pictured: THE QUEEN in her ultra opulent maroon chariot, thinking to herself, “This my shit, bow down bitches. Bow down bitches, bow bow down bitches (Crown). L Town bitches.” On this Christmas...
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Open Post: Hosted By JLo Singing Her Rival’s Christmas Song
If you caught a movie this weekend, it was either Aquaman, Mary Poppins Returns, or Bumblebee– or you were like me and slothed on the couch watching The Holiday for the 500th time wondering how Kate...
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