Open Post: Hosted By Rita Moreno In Steven Spielberg’s “West Side Story”

Steven Spielberg’s take on West Side Story (which is obviously something we’ve ALL been asking for) is scheduled to hit theaters on December 20, 2020, and well, by then, we may not be able to see it since we’ll all be too busy fighting other dirty-assed bitches over the last bottle of life elixir (aka booze). But there’s a chance that coronavirus won’t bring on the end of times, so 20th Century Fox is keeping the promo train running and has given Vanity Fair several stills and set pics from Spielberg’s WSS including a couple of ageless Puerto Rican blossom Rita Moreno, who won an Oscar for playing Anita in the original 1961 movie. Sadly in this one, Rita doesn’t play an abuelita-aged Anita, who has spent decades fight training and preparing for the moment when she’ll return to NYC to get back at the pepaw-aged Jets for raping her. This ain’t WSS 2: Anita’s Revenge, unfortunately.

While the current Broadway production of West Side Story takes place in modern times, Spielberg’s movie remake is set in the olden times. It stars pouting potato Ansel Elgort as Tony, Rachel Zegler as Maria, Tony nominee Ariana DeBose as Anita, David Alvarez as Bernardo, Brian d’Arcy James as Officer Krupke, Corey Stoll as Lt. Schrank, Mike Faist as Riff, Maddie Ziegler (aka Sia’s muse from Dance Moms) as a Jets girl, and Rita Moreno as a new character called Valentina. Valentina is Doc’s widow, so she’s basically a reworked version of Doc.

Below are the pics featuring Spielberg and the cast, including Rita throwing a side-eye that is obviously saying, “I can’t believe they cast Ansel Elgort as Tony.”

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FIRST LOOK: #WestSideStory has been Steven Spielberg’s passion project decades in the making. Now, he’s bringing Tony, Maria, the Jets, and the Sharks back to the big screen, along with original cast member (and Oscar winner!) Rita Moreno, who says he has done “an incredible job” of updating the story—not to mention righting wrongs from the beloved 1961 film. At the link in bio, get your exclusive look at the American classic reimagined for our time. #WestSideStoryMovie

A post shared by Vanity Fair (@vanityfair) on Mar 16, 2020 at 4:07am PDT

To think, we will probably miss the cinematic sight of Valentina throat-chopping the rapey Jets with a chancleta before fan kicking them in the face over what they do to Anita (if that’s not in Spielberg’s WSS, I don’t want it). I’ll be cursing corona over this as you and I tussle over the last bottle of Popov vodka. And don’t try to get me to let go by screaming “Look, bitch, the last tube of Anal Ese is over there!” It won’t work, because like I need that shit!

Pic: 20th Century Fox