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Open Post: Hosted By A Human Estrella In Space
It’s official. The accounting department at Columbia Pictures can go ahead and declare Passengers a flop and write it off as a loss. If the dried turd reviews don’t cause it to tank this week, this...
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Open Post: Hosted By Courtney Stodden Cooing Out The Touching Holiday Jingle...
I say “touching,” because you may want to touch your tonsils while heaving after imagining Santa Claus using his cinnamon tongue to work an egg nog geyser out of Courtney Stodden. Courtney Stodden...
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Open Post: Hosted By “Adult Wrapping”
That terrifying picture looks either like a still from a horror movie about a human cannibal giant who loves eating people wontons, or like a still from a documentary about people whose fetish of...
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Open Post: Hosted By Toilet Santa
The most shocking thing about this fake infomercial from Conan isn’t that it isn’t for a real product that you can buy on SkyMall or at Spencer’s. Oh, America, you’ve disappointed me so. If you’re a...
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Open Post: Hosted By The Panda Bear That Destroyed His Snow-friend
Adorable panda creature Da Mao loves the snow. Good thing for him he lives in Toronto. The Toronto Zoo, to be specific! His keepers thought it would be fun to build him a snowy friend for him. The...
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Happy Holidays From A Bored And Unimpressed Prince George
Everyone better put their pocketbooks in a prayer circle because a treasonous cold is still messing with THE QUEEN (exact medical term for THE QUEEN’s cold: acute viral morrisseyngitis) and she had...
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Holiday Programming Note & Open Post: Hosted By David Bowie Grooving Along To...
In case you couldn’t tell from everyone adult wrapping themselves while waiting for 2016 to finally end, it’s the final days of the year. So because it’s that time period between Christmas and New...
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Open Post: Hosted By The Trailer For The “Dutch Magic Mike”
Because of all the sadness that has filled this year and holiday week, there’s a black cloud constantly shitting on top of our heads, so here’s some oiled-up man nipples to temporarily take us up, up...
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Open Post: Hosted By Jake Gyllenhaal’s Hairy Nips In St. Barts
It’s that time of year again when those of you who live where the temperature is January Jones’ Queef (read: ice ice cold) feel the icicles form around your frozen b-hole while looking at pictures of...
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Open Post: Hosted By Bella Thorne’s Trashy Groupie Elegance
You’re doing fashion right if people look at you and don’t know whether that’s a real outfit on your body or if they somehow woke up on October 31st and you’re going to a costume party dressed as the...
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Open Post: Hosted By Astronauts FINALLY Doing The Mannequin Challenge...
The Mannequin Challenge was a thing that happened 9,789,998 light years ago (in internet time, anyway) and we’ve all moved on to the newest challenge of the moment, the Fire Challenge, which involves...
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Open Post: Hosted By Sammy Jo Dancing Us Into 2017
I’ve posted the legendary clip from Dynasty of Sammy Josephine Dean Carrington serving up some husband-stealing sweet moves at a stuffy party before, but I’m posting it again, because everybody should...
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Happy New Year From A Wasted Don Lemon!
Not to be outdone by the iconic messiness that ABC and Mimi delivered on New Year’s night, CNN brought Drunk Don Lemon back and dude hit all of the drunk bitch bases. He got a piercing he’ll probably...
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Open Post: Hosted By Lea Michele’s Naked Body Wishing Everyone A Happy Nude Year
I was going to title this post “Open Post: Hosted By The Big Lots Clearance Section Barbra Streisand Getting Naked On Instagram,” but I didn’t want to be responsible for the cold disappointment that...
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Open Post: Hosted By Nicole Kidman In Taylor Swift Circa 2007 Cosplay
Oh, Nicole, Nicole, please save your Taylor Swift role-play costumes for your bedroom times with Keith Urban. Our eyes don’t need it! “Hmmm, I don’t remember seeing a badly made Taylor Swift wax...
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Open Post: Hosted By Diamond Baby Hilton
Many Chihuahuas look like they just watched the “bite the curb” scene in American History X. All traumatized and shit. That’s just they’re natural look, but Parasite Hilton’s latest living accessory...
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Open Post: Hosted By The Plushie Coyote Who Trolled Mimi
The Indiana Pacers already tugged at Mariah Carey’s Spanx by making fun of her magnificent New Year’s Eve performance, and last night the San Antonio Spurs got in on the trolling fun. Coyotes are...
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Open Post: Hosted By The Official Shower Beer
A Swedish creative called Snask has hooked up with a brewery called Pangpang to bring the world the FIRST EVER shower beer called Shower Beer! Shower Beer is pretty much the Fingos or beers, because...
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Open Post: Hosted By The Polar Bear Who Kept Falling While Shooting A Commercial
Jesus, get the polar bear some less slippy skates! Two mascots, Mitsubishi’s White Bear and the University of Minnesota’s Golden Gopher, were shooting a car commercial at Mariucci Arena in Minneapolis...
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Golden Globes Open Post: Hosted By Bette Midler’s SHOCKING Speech From 1980
The Golden Globes, Oscar’s high school dropout little brother who holds the record for getting kicked out of Dave & Buster’s the most times, are tonight. And that means it’s that time of year when...
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