Every year, our European friends come together as a community, find their best (or hottest) singer, and put them in their most sparkly outfit on the most pyrotechnic-ed stage, and have all of Europe judge who has the catchiest and most fuckery-filled song. Whoever wins is allowed to run the EU for a year. This process was decided during the Paris Peace Conference. Last night, Europe underwent its annual grueling 4-hour song contest, and SPOILER ALERT Sweden’s Loreen and her abs took home the iconic glass microphone!
Last year, Ukraine won the coveted first place; however, due to the current situation, it could not host this year’s shebang. So as runner-up, the UK took over hosting duties and held the festivities in Liverpool. For the uninitiated, after in-country selections and two semifinals, 26 countries send their selected performer and song to the finals. The winner is chosen through a combination of jury and popular vote. While that sounds very normal, bear in mind that you can go from watching an Italian ballad:
Italy's Magnifico Marco
#Eurovision pic.twitter.com/D9fHFkNNw6
— Eurovision Song Contest (@Eurovision) May 13, 2023
To an Austrian dance track about Edgar Allan Poe:
deeply obsessed with austria’s eurovision entry pic.twitter.com/8wYTNyR0DL
— alex (@alex_abads) May 12, 2023
This year saw a ton of slow songs intermixed with fast paced pop tunes. However, it was Loreen’s anthemic Tattoo that stole the show, making her the second person ever to win the Eurovision twice.
Loreen – Tattoo!
The winner of #Eurovision 2023! pic.twitter.com/h74edfVS1h
— Eurovision Song Contest (@Eurovision) May 13, 2023
The winner of And depending on who you talk to, stole is the right word! As Sweden was sweeping the jury votes, the live audience shockingly began to chant CHA CHA CHA in honor of the clear crowd favorite, Finland:
Justice for Finland! The people’s champion #Eurovision pic.twitter.com/5crADDweXT
— Jamie Evans (@JamieEvans_23) May 13, 2023
It turned into a showdown between judge darling Sweden and fan favorite Finland with Sweden ultimately taking the crown. I have OPINIONS on this because not only is Ireland now tied with Sweden in terms of Eurovision wins (a personal affront to me!), but Finland was robbed! I’ll spare you my ABBA-based conspiracies because even though Sweden placed first, we all know who really won…the baffled viewers of this:
Croatia throwing everything at this staging, including their pants#Eurovision2023 pic.twitter.com/Q8MDZbk2nl
— BBC Eurovision (@bbceurovision) May 13, 2023
Congratulations to Loreen and the rest of the people who make this confusing, extremely European event happen!
Pic: INSTARImages