Hiding things in your crotch is a great idea if no one finds them but if that search turns up something, it’s gonna be awkward to explain how that got there. Enter: 34-year-old Patrick Florence of Clearwater, Florida (where else?!). After the police pulled him over for a traffic stop, they found drugs wrapped around his dick. But he can explain! They’re not his. Clearly, someone else hid cocaine and meth around his peen for safe-keeping. And it sure was a safe place–not even Patrick knew they were in there!
WFLA says that cocaine and methamphetamine were discovered on Patrick after he was stopped for driving with his lights off.
Pinellas County sheriff’s deputies said they stopped a vehicle driving without its lights on at 4 a.m. last Saturday. The man, identified as 34-year-old Patrick Florence, said the drugs wrapped around his groin area were not his but didn’t say who the drugs belonged to, according to the arrest report. Authorities said they found a gun under the passenger’s seat while searching the car and discovered the drugs while searching the passenger. Florence was charged with four felonies, including possession of cocaine, meth, ammunition, and a firearm. He was booked into the Pinellas County jail under a $24,000 bond.
You know, maybe the drugs weren’t his, technically? Maybe Patrick’s dick has so much power and its own cognizance and it moves of its own accord free of Patrick’s influence. This would explain how Tristan Thompson keeps passing his dick to so many different people–he can’t control it! Penises are out here taking control of their host’s bodies!
Pic: Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office